Facebook People

Facebook people are the worst. Now I’ve split my most hated types of Facebookers into groups below so that I stat on track.

Game/app spammers –

Let us start with these dicks. Everyone has them on Facebook and everyone has someone blocked from sending them stupid requests to games and shit.

Who is playing these games? I play actual video games all the time and never once have I thought “damn let’s sign into Facebook and play imagine we’re a farmer”. I mean what the fuck? It wouldn’t even be so bad if you didn’t have to bug your (Facebook) friends with this shit, I’ve had “help (insert name) plant corn” and “(insert name) needs rope can you help them out” only if the ropes to hang themselves so they stop sending me these stupid fucking request. Bit harsh? Maybe I should move on.

Attention seekers –

Next up we have attention seekers.

“OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS HAS HAPPENED TODAY”

            “whats happened?”

“I’LL INBOX YOU HUN”

If you have to inbox someone about it here’s a theory… don’t put the original post on Facebook, you dumb fuck. The least you could do is tell us what’s up in the comments instead of inboxing people. Come on give us all something to laugh at. No? OK, you absolute click bait whore.

ARRRGH! These people really get me, the please like my status, please comment dipshits who make up problems to seem as though they’ve got stuff going on in their lives.

This is topped only by the queen of emotional Facebook whoring. The top of the tree at attention seeking. That’s right it’s the Facebook is my therapist poster. The absolute cringe that I’m hit with when I read one of these posts is phenomenal. Not sure what posts I’m on about? Here’s an example.

“I have been struggling with my mental health a lot this past couple of years, the dark times never seem to end. But recently there has been a shining light in my life and I no longer feel all alone. Thank you all for your support through these tough times, and I wasn’t sure I’d make it. I’m still not truth be told, but I stay strong and stay positive for you people, I am proud to call you friends”

Followed by the same person posting a funny video of a cat falling down the stairs and pictures of them out getting pissed at the weekend before posting the same fake bullshit next week.

The thing that really pisses me off is there are people out there who generally need help. Who have real depression and real problems. So when some childish, attention seeking twat goes fishing for likes with one of these posts it makes me want to throw up… in a bucket and pour it over their head, in some sort of sick bucket challenge to raise awareness of real mental health issues.

I could go on all day about these fucktards, but you know what they’re not worth it. NEXT!

Serial commenters

Fake post sharers –

Oh these guys, I hate them but love to laugh at them. I saw two people on my timeline share the same photo of these supposed dog-nappers once. The only problem being one was in Manchester and the other was in Portsmouth a 240mile, 5-hour journey in a day just to steal dogs. Oh and did I mention its was the exact same picture, that was supposedly taken by both original posters?

Another favourite of mine was in the weeks leading up to Halloween. People (mostly middle aged white mothers) would share a photo of these Superman, Playboy, smiley face, skull looking pills that looked more like Pez candies to me (if anyone remembers them). With a post saying “people are giving out these ecstasy tablets to children beware this Halloween”, or some similar sounding shit.

Now I’m not Richard Branson but I think that if you are a drug dealer and you are giving away your product to someone too young to think “fuck it, Dad where’s me pocket money I’ve got to go and get off my tits from that candy that man gave me on Halloween” then you might just be doing bad business. And just a whim here as well but to give out molly to every child who visited your house that night (presuming you live in a town or city) would cost you a fuck load of money. And lastly come on people have you ever dealt with a drug dealer? You’re lucky to get what you pay for let alone get freebies. Unless you’re reading this Frank then keep up the good work buddy I’ll see you Saturday.

Rehashing old photos –

We are nearly at the end of this patchwork rant now but there are still a few types of Facebook posters I need to mention.

Like the people who share a photo from 4 years ago and comment on what a wonderful night that was and how they love their friends. Sad fuckers that are stuck in the past and have to cling on to every little good thing that’s happened to them because come Monday morning they will be back to that job they hate, to pay for the mortgage on a house that’s literally a few miles from the house they grew up in.

Also an extension to these posters is the ones who sign up for and app, usually a horoscope which posts shit on their wall every-single-day without them having to do a thing. Hell I doubt they even read it themselves, it’s only purpose to be out there annoying other human beings.

Bigots –

Also if you are unlucky enough to live in the UK like I am, you will have come across a Facebook racist. Usually sharing fake posts from bullshit fucking groups/pages that are anti-muslim, pro-army, ultra right wing nonsense.

I’m going to give these people as few a word count as possible as they are mostly what I call English Rednecks.

Bonus round –

Ok here’s a bonus round of the types of people who piss me of intermittently these people can be; close friends, colleagues or even people you hardly know or never really see post until you see one of these; soldiers/nurses should get footballers wages and footballers should get soldiers/nurses wages, I’m sharing this status as a tribute to/to raise awareness for… I bet most of you wont have the guts to share this.

OK there’s so much stupid there where do we start?

Footballers aren’t paid by the government and nurses and soldiers are. That’s the difference between public and private sector workers, you moron.

Not having the guts to share a status? Are you kidding me? Sharing a status about whatever the cause or point you are trying to make is a big fat fuck all whether it’s a worthy cause or not. So don’t be a thick cunt you’re not going to save/change the world by sharing this dumb status, you really care about it get off you arse and do something about it.

Some people are so stupid it hurts.

Oh and people who feel the need to check in and out of places all the time and tag the people they are with in it. Come on, no one gives a fuck you’re at nandos, get the fuck off my news feed.

LASTLY –

Well done if you managed to get this far who knew Facebook could make you rant this much? Oh that’s right everyone, but everyone still has it don’t they?

The last group I’d like to share are the serial spammers (but not like any off the ones mentioned above).

These spammers are the ones who rarely post pictures, rarely post statues but constantly share articles and photos from pages. Now the reason I left these scum bags until last is… I am one of them. In fact, the only reason I still have Facebook is to like and share motivational quotes or news stories you’re not going to get on the BBC. Malcolm X once said that knowledge is power and it’s the one thing nobody can take away from you, I’m paraphrasing but that’s the gist of it. I was 15 when I first read that quote and it was too late for me to start to pay attention in school but it wasn’t too late for me to educate myself about the world. Which I continue to do everyday. The reason I share what I do is to hopefully enlighten people to unplug themselves from the matrix as it were and to grow as a person. I am a lot of things, some good, some bad but I continue to grow and learn everyday. And as much as I hate people I am willing to put stuff out there to hopefully provide the tools someone needs to grow.

“Many people die at twenty-five and aren't buried until they are seventy-five.” – Benjamin Franklin

People Who Bring You Down, When You’re Trying to Achieve Something

I’m starting to think this blog should have been called The Types of People I Hate.

So there are these horrible parasitic types that drag you down when you’re up. I’m sure this has happened to all of us although maybe everyone else hasn’t always been surrounded by the miserable negative people I have.

These are the (as Kevin Smith would say) why people, the people who always as why or always see the worst in everything, the every cloud has a shit stained lining people. The type of person who you’d tell you won the £10mil jackpot on the lottery and they’d say why couldn’t it have been the £72mil Euro. Try to surround yourselves with why not people as Kevin Smith would say, and you know what he’s right. For most of my life I was a why person and all I can say is thank fuck I’m not anymore.

These people are generally negative in every aspect of there life and that’s fine because I once read that “their (negative people) life is their punishment” which I truly believe. The most negative people I’ve ever met are some of the biggest underachievers on the planet. People with potential which they never full reached and as a consequents are living lives that were chosen for them rather than lives that they chose themselves. This is one of the saddest things that can happen to a human, but I believe we choose our own paths. These people believe that they are powerless when negative thing have happened to them, I say the way you react to the bad stuff that happens to you defines you.

Don’t get caught in the trap of negative thinking, it’s a vicious cycle that is hard to get out of.

Again going back to Kevin Smith but in his book Tough Shit (which is in my top 10 books ever, especially for motivation and positivity. Oh and dick jokes, that guy loves dick jokes) he say if you want to do something good encourage an artist. This is a top tip, I love this, because there are too many negative people in the world telling you that you can’t do something or you can’t achieve something. One that’s been thrown at me quite a lot in my life has been: “But how many people who try that actually make money doing it?” or one of the million variations that this comes in. How defeatist is that? I was listening to an old Joe Rogan Experience podcast the other day where he had Magnus Walker on. If you don’t know who Magnus is, he is an ex-fashion designer, ex-film locationer (not the technical term, I just mean he rented out property he owned to film companies) and now spends all his time making custom Porsches as a hobby. Any way his story goes like this: he was born in Sheffield, England and never knew what he wanted to do so after sitting on the dole for a while he went to America and the rests history. Anyway on the podcast he said how in England (especially outside London) you are told to stay in your box, to not strive to be anything other than what you are expected to be and to “live within your means”. This is certainly true for me growing up in middle England, hell I’m the first in my immediate family to go to university and get a degree, just let that sink in a minute the first member of my family finished university in 2015. Why go to university when you can work in a shop? Or be a builder? No thank you.

So fuck people who try to bring you down. At the end of the day no one knows what’s best in life, which is certainly true for everyone I’ve ever met. Most people I know have no idea what they’re doing at 45 so who the fuck are they to judge anyone. And as my man Magnus would say “go with your gut feeling” as you know what’s best for you.

People who whisper

If there’s one thing that’s childish as fuck its whispering. Why the fuck would you do it? It’s rude as fuck. If you’ve got something to say announce it to the whole room don’t be such a coward. And don't be so fucking disrespectful.

This is about all I have to say on this matter.

Short and sweet.

But seriously if you’re in a room full of people don’t fucking whisper.

Fuck it! I’m punching the next cunt who whispers around me.

END OF. 

HAPPY SUNDAY

People who don’t respect you

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s a lack of respect from people. Now that may have made me sound like a pensioner, in fact that definitely made me sound like a pensioner but oh well they’re not all bad, I mean they do always have sweets, even if they are Werther’s Originals. But anyway back to business.

The people I’m talking about are the kind of people who for lack of a better phrase look down their noses at you, the kind of people who are ignorant to anyone else’s way of life that isn’t their own. These people are usually beige, not even beige, more magnolia or even cream in colour and the only reason they aren’t plain white is they might have smoked a cigarette once, or possibly been clubbing, they may even have a small easily hidden tattoo. The most boring type of people you will ever meet. The type of people who are born, work, live and die in the same town for 70 odd years until they expire. They may be survivors but they never really live. I may have stolen that but I can’t remember where from if I have so lets just pretend its mine.

These are the kind of people who will jump at any chance to have a snide little comment the kind of comment when someone in the room asks if somebody has moved something they chime in with a “Well I haven’t moved, it have I?” this can also come in the form of a “Well it wasn’t me, was it?”. They are usually passive aggressive people who would shit themselves if you merely raised your voice to them.

These ugly (always personality, sometimes physically) people are the kind of people who put themselves on pedestals and will be quick to put you down if you’re out of work or trying to do something that they deem “different” even though they are so vanilla, strawberry seems like a walk on the wild side to them (but more on dull, boring people in the future).

I guess what I’m getting at is that there is no need to ever be like this with people, not really. I always think that there is no one set way to live your life. Some people are rich, some are poor, some love their jobs, some hate their jobs, some fat, some thin. No need to carry on I’m sure you get it. The thing is everyone wants different things from life and defines success in a different way. My definition of success is that of the legend that is Bob Dylan - “A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.”

That quote is sugar for me even if its shit for you. That sums up my philosophy on life quite well.

The worst thing about this type of person is they come in so many forms they might be just some do-gooder with their nose in the air, or they could be a middle manager at some pointless company who doesn’t seem to realize how easily they could be replaced by some other robot, or even an artist (this one saddens me I hate it when creative people are negative).

I guess what I’m getting at is distance yourself from these people and when/if you ever become more successful than them never let them forget it, you know unless they are a perfect stranger, I’m not condoning stalking strangers to prove a point here.